Let’s Try Not to Get Hepatitis Today, Ok?

Yesterday was one of those days where I found myself doing, saying and experiencing things I never imagined I would ever do, say or experience.  Things that when you imagine being a parent, you NEVER could possibly anticipate.  Things you NEVER thought you would NEED to say.  If you have kids, I expect that you will relate to at least one.  If you are considering having children, maybe just read these as cautionary tales, it’s certainly possible it’s just my precious little gems who are adorably insane.  If you don’t have kids and have no plans to do so in the future,  enjoy the laughs and your holiday weekend.  I remember sleeping in on a day off fondly.

So this happened today:

  • Dude, really?  You are seriously eating my soul.  I mean c’mon! Do you have to try and eat crap off of the ground- I mean crap that has already been- I can’t even finish this sentence without throwing up in my mouth.  I pray that you won’t be the gross kid when you get to middle school.
  • Both kids in the pool, having fun.  I settle into a book, when one of the boys sneaks up behind me and makes a hacking, blowing your nose kinda sound. I’m trying desperately to relax.
    “Mommy, was that funny?”
    “No”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I want to relax.”
    “Well, I want to eat.”
  • “Mom, lets play ‘does that hurt’, ok?”  Before I can even say no:
    Poke- “Does that hurt?”
    Poke- “Does that hurt?”
    Poke- “Does that hurt?”
  • This weekend, we rented a condo in a resort across from the beach.  When walking from the concierge:
    “Do you think living here is like living at Office Depot?” asked my child.
    “Why would it be like living at Office Depot?”
    “Because Office Depot has everything and so does this place- except a pool. Office Depot doesn’t have a pool. Or basketballs.”
  • I don’t know if this is just a boy thing, but do all kids end up turning every song into one about poop and farts?  And is it a boy-mom thing or just me to join in.

“The slippery fish, the slippery fish, FARTING in the water,
The slippery fish, the slippery first, PFFFT… PFFFT… PFFFT…
Oh no!  He’s pooping on… an octopus, an octopus…”

What I hadn’t expected, however, was the very end.  I had really had enough of the hamster-wheel of parenting and all I could think about was getting into my pajamas and into bed.  Instead, as I thought about the day, I remembered when my son and I were out on boogie boards (my first time) and I was enjoying riding the waves.  At some point, we both got a bit too far out and we needed to wait for a couple of big waves to bring us in.  He was crying- he was really scared.  I was shook up, too.  We went back up to sit on our blanket and catch our breath and I just held him as he calmed down.  Then, we talked about what happened, how we should handle the waves in the future and that while the ocean is a beautiful thing, it can be dangerous and needs to be respected.  Then we stopped and got quiet for a minute and my son looked at me and said, “It was pretty cool, though, right Mom?”  Very cool.  And since you didn’t eat that crap off the ground, I’m pretty sure you didn’t catch a communicable disease so hey, win-win.
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1 Comment

Filed under Motherhood, parenting, Personal Growth, What Really Happened

One response to “Let’s Try Not to Get Hepatitis Today, Ok?

  1. Anonymous

    lovely – boogie boarding rules 🙂

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