The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
My name is(n’t) Mommy, and I’m addicted* to Facebook.
I wake up in the morning, and it is the first thing I do. I reach over and check my status updates. Did anyone ‘like’ what I said? Did anyone post a new picture or say something cute/funny/annoying/self-indulgent? I have tried to wake up with prayer and meditation, even reading my horoscope in lieu of FB, but I always find my way back. And I can’t stop.
I check it when I’m in traffic, when I’m in line for coffee, when I’m at dinner and want to avoid the kids. I try to convince myself that I post pictures of the kids so my family can see them, but let’s be real here, I do it so people will tell my how adorable they are. I post pictures of myself when I’m feeling pretty too. It’s not enough that I feel pretty, I need the peanut gallery to say so.
Listen, FB, you and I had fun for a long time. Remember that one time when I posted that funny observation? No? Ok. Well, what about that time I made cookies and shared the recipe? You don’t remember that either? Fine. You have got to remember telling me Happy Birthday, I mean it was my 40th! When’s my birthday? Really, FB. Really? You’re telling me that you don’t have any recollection of that video I posted of puppies? C’mon! That was f’ing epic. I mean they were PUPPIES and ADORABLE!
I’m now seeing that our relationship may be a little one-sided. I like and like and comment and post and share and it never seems like enough. I give so much of my time and sometimes, when I spend too much time with FB, I feel bad. You show me cute pictures of other people and remind me of how healthy everyone else eats while I eat Goldfish crackers and scroll my status page. I see what appears to be happy friends at ball games and concerts and I’m staring at my phone. And when I am having fun, you know what I’m thinking? “I should post this on FB!” I mean it’s still fun, except when it’s not and I think it might be time to stop.
So, today, I admit I have a problem. I know some people can use it responsibly, but I I’m thinking I might not be one of them. I want to quit, really I do. But how will I know what George Takei is thinking today? I mean, what if there is a new video of a baby I’ve never met? How will I find out the latest words that have been autocorrected on the iPhone?? And what about my ex? How will I be able to see who my ex is dating?
I’m scared, FB. What if I’m not strong enough to give you up? Is there a detox tea? A patch? A meeting I can go to? I guess admitting I have a problem is the first step and even though this will automatically post to FB once I hit Publish, and I will check later to see if anyone likes it, I know I am getting close to at least trying to cut down. Tomorrow.
*Note: Addiction is NOT a joke and while I do talk about it here with regard to Facebook as a joke, I do not take the topic of addiction lightly.