I’m Powerless over Facebook.

The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

My name is(n’t) Mommy, and I’m addicted* to Facebook.

I wake up in the morning, and it is the first thing I do.  I reach over and check my status updates.  Did anyone ‘like’ what I said?  Did anyone post a new picture or say something cute/funny/annoying/self-indulgent?  I have tried to wake up with prayer and meditation, even reading my horoscope in lieu of FB, but I always find my way back.  And I can’t stop.

I check it when I’m in traffic, when I’m in line for coffee, when I’m at dinner and want to avoid the kids.  I try to convince myself that I post pictures of the kids so my family can see them, but let’s be real here, I do it so people will tell my how adorable they are.  I post pictures of myself when I’m feeling pretty too.  It’s not enough that I feel pretty, I need the peanut gallery to say so.

Listen, FB, you and I had fun for a long time.  Remember that one time when I posted that funny observation?  No?  Ok.  Well, what about that time I made cookies and shared the recipe?  You don’t remember that either?  Fine.  You have got to remember telling me Happy Birthday, I mean it was my 40th!  When’s my birthday?  Really, FB.  Really?  You’re telling me that you don’t have any recollection of that video I posted of puppies?  C’mon!  That was f’ing epic.  I mean they were PUPPIES and ADORABLE!

I’m now seeing that our relationship may be a little one-sided. I like and like and comment and post and share and it never seems like enough.  I give so much of my time and sometimes, when I spend too much time with FB, I feel bad.  You show me cute pictures of other people and remind me of how healthy everyone else eats while I eat Goldfish crackers and scroll my status page.  I see what appears to be happy friends at ball games and concerts and I’m staring at my phone.  And when I am having fun, you know what I’m thinking?  “I should post this on FB!”  I mean it’s still fun, except when it’s not and I think it might be time to stop.

So, today, I admit I have a problem.  I know some people can use it responsibly, but I I’m thinking I might not be one of them.  I want to quit, really I do.  But how will I know what George Takei is thinking today?  I mean, what if there is a new video of a baby I’ve never met?  How will I find out the latest words that have been autocorrected on the iPhone??  And what about my ex?  How will I be able to see who my ex is dating?

I’m scared, FB.  What if I’m not strong enough to give you up?  Is there a detox tea? A patch? A meeting I can go to?  I guess admitting I have a problem is the first step and even though this will automatically post to FB once I hit Publish, and I will check later to see if anyone likes it, I know I am getting close to at least trying to cut down.  Tomorrow.

*Note:  Addiction is NOT a joke and while I do talk about it here with regard to Facebook as a joke, I do not take the topic of addiction lightly.



Filed under Personal Growth, What Really Happened

3 responses to “I’m Powerless over Facebook.

  1. Kelley

    My first comment as I catch up on your blog and it is about fb. I too am addicted. Often, it is my only socialization ‘outside’ of my home. I am very thankful that fb has reconnected me with you, whom I shared a cubicle and really a small time in our lives…but some awesome moments in and out of work, like Def Lep and Kareoke at Gatsbys. Those moments though were all before fb. Coincidence??

    • I like to think it was divine intervention that there was no FB back then! I agree that FB serves many purposes- mostly to stay connected and reconnect with people in our lives. Sure, there are downfalls, but that isn’t FB’s fault- it’s ours to learn from.

  2. Pingback: Vintage Friends | My Name Isn't Mommy

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