A funny thing happened on the way to this blog…

December, 2009.

I knew there would be a call.  The call.  From HR, telling me that they would like to see me.  Even though I knew it was coming, I still started to cry.  Fear?  Maybe.  But mostly, relief.  This had been a long time coming and I knew that my job was about to break up with me.  That’s how it felt.  I cried because we had both been through a lot together and even though it was time to part ways, it was bittersweet.  There were many people I grew to love and others I grew to hate.  I wouldn’t see either much anymore.  I was glad to collect the severance they reminded me was very generous and thought about the future.  Boy, did I have plans.

My first plan was to spend time with my kids.  They were little and I had been a working parent so the idea of being able to spend some time home while looking for a new job sounded fun.  I also wanted to write.  I never told anyone this until recently.  There would be some that knew me way back when and never saw any indication that I wanted to be a writer.  Very astute, old friend.  These are the same people who intended to marry someone in Depeche Mode and we saw how that worked out so lesson be learned, just because we say, or don’t say, one thing, doesn’t mean it will,  or won’t, happen.

It’s now August, 2011.  The intentions of that day back in December are still there, but a lot has changed.  I love my kids but miss having a job to go to each day.  I am baffled at how my house is still a mess and dinner isn’t made when all I did was go to the park and the market.  I promise you, my laundry was never as fresh as when I was working 40+ a week and taking care of a baby.  Either that, or I was so sleep deprived and desperate that a shirt without spit up on the sleeve was my definition of ‘springtime breeze’.  Somehow, all this time I was supposed to have without a 9-5 job was going to allow me to live out the fantasies I was always too afraid to consider and too insecure to tell.  Instead, I have spent a lot of time being ‘too’ and unwilling to get out of my own way to just try.  I have been depressed.  I have wanted to run away and hide.  So all that stops now. Instead, I will try things without fear of what others might think.  Am I really so fab that others have the time and interest in judging me?  Probably not.  I will be willing to try and willing to fail.  I will not stop short at wishing I could do something.  There is a good chance I will not be good at most things at first, but that’s not the point.

This is my plan, but I procrastinate so we’ll see.

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6 Comments

Filed under Personal Growth

6 responses to “A funny thing happened on the way to this blog…

  1. Gretchen Havner

    Love your blog name, and your first post. I really identify with what you are saying. I never planned to be a stay at home mom, but here I am, still, house a mess, laundry undone, kids tearing around, dinner is done. 😉 Keep it up! Can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

  2. can’t wait to read what happens next……loving you! ~ c

  3. Angie

    Go Lauri! Go Lauri! Go Lauri! Go! (Jump – Spread eagle. Jump again – Herky. Round off Double Back flip, perfect landing).

  4. Laurie, i offer as a “You GO Girl!” gift, a poem that I love.

    The Journey
    by Mary Oliver

    One day you finally knew
    what you had to do, and began,
    though the voices around you
    kept shouting
    their bad advice—
    though the whole house
    began to tremble
    and you felt the old tug
    at your ankles.
    “Mend my life!”
    each voice cried.
    But you didn’t stop.
    You knew what you had to do,
    though the wind pried
    with its stiff fingers
    at the very foundations—
    though their melancholy
    was terrible.
    It was already late
    enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
    branches and stones.
    But little by little,
    as you left their voices behind,
    the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice,
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do—
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.

  5. Anonymous

    Lauri,
    So much fun reading your thoughts. I feel like I am getting to know you better. Reminds me of when Erin was pre-3yrs. She had started to show some behavior problems at day care and a little at home so I decided to take a furlough for 6 months and be a stay at home mom. I felt that I had to clean the house, do laundry, cook, clip coupons, etc. if I was staying home. I was bored out of my mind! Instead of lasting 6 months, I returned back to work after two months, gladly. In retrospect, I don’t think Erin’s problems, if she really had them, had anything to do with me working. I mean she turned out to be such a HORRIBLE adult LOL LOL I also think I did not use my time well when I was at home full time. Hindsight is so helpful. Keep up the blogging…it is a great way to vent, put things in perspective, and entertain your friends and family 🙂 Much love,
    Aunt Sharon

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